THE MONTH I WAS TAOISEACH
Hello my name is Fredric Anthony Tobin. I often get picked on at school because I am so chubby and also because my initials are F.A.T. Anyway this is how I became Taoiseach for a month. One day I was reading my mam's Readers Digest, and there was a competition to be Taoiseach for a month. I said to myself "Oh my gosh, I must enter".The question was: ‘Who finished 2nd in the under-21 Irish hurling league?’ Was it? I knew the answer. It was Galway. A month passed and there was still no
account of the competition until one Monday, December 2nd, I came
home from school and I asked Mam "Did any post come for me?" She
said "Yes. A letter from your pen-pal Lucy Liu and this strange envelope.
I think it’s from the Government. Your father thinks it is the income tax
bill, but it's addressed to you. Oh and by the way dear, you didn't get any
fan mail today. Sorry." "Yes," I thought to myself "Maybe,
just maybe, it’s the competition results". So I opened it.
"Yes" it was. It really was. There in black and white was my name
and address and the congratulations, A V. I. P. dressed in a tuxedo collected Fredrick. He came in Bertie’s eighty-doored, top of the range limo. As it purred along the roads, they exceeded the speed limit by fifty miles per hour. The Gardaí stopped and pulled them over to the side of the road. But they realised it was Bertie’s limo and they let them off without a fine. They had to pull over anyway because Freddie wanted to eat. He strode up pompously the steps of the restaurant and slipped on a banana skin in the most luxurious hotel in the city. He fell down on his stomach and bounced back up and shot in the revolving doors like a bullet. He was ravenous, so, for lunch he ordered a well-done 1Kg sirloin steak with ten roasted potatoes, a helping of French fries, mushrooms, carrots, parsnips, onions, a variety of sauces and half a bowl of French beans. He also ordered three bottles of red wine. Of course that was only lunch for Our Freddie. So, if he only had lunch, what did he scoff for dinner in the Dáil Éireann canteen?……… Of course, Freddie had chicken vol-au-vont but didn’t like it. He then had beef stroganoff but he didn’t like that either. He had meal after meal until the cook threw a plate at him. It struck him on the head with great power and speed. Freddie was knocked unconscious and when he awoke, Bertie Ahern was in front of him. "I welcome you to Dáil Éireann and I hope you enjoy yourself". Anyway, Freddie went up to an important meeting he had to attend, since Freddie was Taoiseach and had to negotiate with the Arabs. Unfortunately, Freddie made Saddam Hussein mad and almost started a war but some smooth work by a government official averted the disaster. The next two weeks were uneventful, and Freddie decided he would leave the meetings alone for the moment. On the third week, however, he decided to attend a meeting about the Peace Process. Unfortunately, he mocked both parties before being bundled into a car and kidnapped by some mysterious men in dark suits. Freddie learned he was to be held for ransom but unluckily for the crooks, Freddie was weighing the car down so badly that the front wheels were a metre off the ground. The crooks decided to leave him and run. They were caught quickly though everyone in Ireland was laughing at Freddie when the story was on the 9 o’ clock news. Freddie decided that it might be best if he resigned. "I’ll never be Taoiseach again", he decided with a sigh that night. Section 1: Herbertstown N.S., Kilmallock, Co.Limerick Section 2: Newtownshandrum N.S., Newtownshandrum, Charleville, Co. Cork Section 3: Newmarket Boys' N.S., Newmarket, Mallow, Co. Cork |
